Hush all the haters….how to handle family & friends that don’t support your marriage

picThis post won’t be sugar coated. It will be raw and messy. But it’s a fact….you may find that during your bridal journey you come across friends and family members that do not support your relationship or your upcoming wedding. When this happens it sucks beyond all belief. It’s like being punched in the gut….the wind completely rushes right out of you. Here you are so excited about starting a new life with someone that you love and simply cannot live without and that one hateful person just leaches toxic negativity into your bridal bubble. It’s confusing, it hurts, and it can make you angry. Not everyone may be supportive of your wedding. In fact, some people you invite might not even come. Or then again, there may be a few people that you don’t want to come and therefore you cut them from the guest list. Regardless of the circumstances, weddings always cause hurt feelings somewhere. So how can you overcome this?

I’m going to get a tad personal for a bit. Share my story in hopes that someone will read it and feel a little less crappy about their situation. You see, my family does not support my marriage. In fact, my family doesn’t support me at all. Never have. After my dad passed away 11 years ago the situation just got a lot worse. I was always daddy’s girl and my mom never really cared for me. I think it is because I am just not girlie enough. I was always fishing, in the back of a truck, or out causing mischief with the neighborhood kids. I never  was a fan of the big frilly dresses, nail polish, or sitting still to have my hair done. I was a tomboy through and through. I still am in fact. I change my own oil and work on my own trucks. I’ve been busting my ass since I was 18 to support myself. I’ve done it on my own with zero help. I own my own house, have 2 trucks, horses, and own my own business on top of being a single mom for many years. I’d say that’s something to brag about. Yet every holiday, birthday, or special event in my life my family isn’t there. Not even a card or a phone call. I truly believe it is because I am straight forward and don’t deal with bullshit. Especially not their bullshit. Still, it does suck not having the support of your family behind you. Especially when you know that on your wedding day less than 10 people will be there to love and support you. Not a great feeling. Thankfully DF has a supportive family. I cannot express how lucky you are if you also have a supportive family who is excited for you and wants to help. I will have no one to do girlie wedding stuff with save my best friend who has been around for over 30 years. No mother daughter lunches or bridal showers. No one to throw me a bachelorette party. Just me and my fiancé working on the wedding together. And you know, in the grand scheme of things maybe that’s not so bad after all.

So now what? Can you really just cut someone listout of your wedding? The answer is yes you can. Do you really want to look out into the crowd of guests and see people there you do not like who don’t even support you? Don’t feel obligated to invite people when you don’t want to. This is YOUR day. You get just one shot at it. The memories you make will last a lifetime. Is it really worth letting someone steal your joy because you feel pressured to invite them? That’s a hard no. Parents are the worst for this. They want so-and-so to come because they are friends, or work together, or what have you. This is your wedding, not theirs. Don’t let them influence your ultimate decision. The first time I got married the wedding basically belonged to my mom and my MIL….I really had no say so as to what I wanted or who I wanted to invite. I regret not taking a stand against them both and saying a big F you. I felt obligated to play along because they were helping to pay for the wedding cost. I’m sure lots of brides and grooms feel this way. Please don’t let someone bully you and bulldoze your wedding….even if they are helping to foot the bill. Take a deep breath, take a step back, and throw up the middle finger. Have an opinion. This is your wedding, your marriage. The only people who technically need to show up are you and your fiancé.  Sure having plenty of guests is fun but it’s not necessary to have a successful wedding. Do what’s right for you. Go with your gut. If you know inviting that certain friend or relative will cause you anxiety and stress on your wedding day then just don’t do it. Save yourself the trouble so that you can enjoy your wedding, your way.

Signs that someone in your life might not be supportive:

  • They make negative and disparaging comments about you, your fiancé, or your wedding. This is a sure way to know that someone is not supporting your marriage.
  • They aren’t excited for you. They are always a Debbie Downer when you try to talk about ideas or plans.
  • They don’t ask about the wedding at all. None of the wedding plans seem interesting enough for them to ask about updates.
  • They don’t return calls, texts, or emails. It seems like they are always busy and cannot make time for you.
  • They encourage you not to be different. They constantly question why you aren’t having a church wedding or why you are wearing a black wedding dress.
  • They make no mention of being in attendance for your special day. Not once have they said they can’t wait for your wedding.
  • They make you feel guilty about being happy. Some people are just joy killers. They can’t stand to see anyone happier than themselves.

Once you’ve discovered that someone isn’t on board your happy train, here are some ways to deal with it:

  • Talk to them honestly. Explain to them that you want them to be a part of the process but you feel like they aren’t being supportive. See if they will open up about why they feel a certain way and just deal with it right then and there.
  • Assert yourself. Let them know that you are a grown ass person and that you are adult enough to make your own informed decisions. This is your relationship, your wedding, and your life. They may not always like or agree with your choices, but they can still support you as a person.
  • Remove them. If you have tried the above two approaches and still have not gotten anywhere in this situation then maybe it is time to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship with this person. Maybe taking a time out from them for awhile would help your overall well being.

 

Your wedding should be fun. Don’t let negative people drag you down. Focus on the positive. Continue being the beautiful creature that you are. Leave the nay sayers out of it. Because on your wedding day, none of the petty crap matters. It’s just about you as a couple making a beautiful commitment to enjoy the journey together. Screw everybody else that doesn’t approve. You just don’t need that kind of crap in your life. Bye Felicia.

Much Love, Gigi

 

 

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