stepfordwives.org_stepfordwife.com_Yawn. It’s not even 8 am yet and I am already exhausted. I didn’t sleep well and ended up getting up at 4 am to feed the cats just to shut them up. The three of them have constantly been fighting lately and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s a full moon or something. All I know is that my eyelids get heavier and heavier by the minute!!! And I’m trying to behave and not consume TOO much coffee because of the whole heart murmur issue. What’s the point of decaf anyway??? Ugh…getting older simply sucks. What a great Segway to talk about todays blog post…..transitions. I feel like my entire life right now is in a state of flux. I have officially become a “housewife”. I know, I know…that very word screams 1950’s. Very Stepford-ish. I went from working two jobs and going to school full time to working one job to not working a “real” 9-5 anymore. I write from home and have an office here. So that keeps me busy quite a bit. I told my husband the other day that instead of the word housewife I prefer house manager. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a housewife. I just do so much more “momming” than “wifing” some days. For example, here was my schedule for just today. Bare with me it’s pretty boring.

  • Wake up at 4 am (usually 5 but the assholes were feeling particularly froggy today) and walk the dog and feed the pets
  • Grind the coffee and put it in the coffee pot for hubby’s morning cup of joe
  • Go back to bed and fall asleep for exactly 15 mins before the 6 am alarm goes off to wake up my teenager
  • Make said teenager breakfast
  • Pack teenager’s and hubby’s lunch for the day
  • See teen off to school for another successful try at adulting
  • Go back to bed and this time sleep for 10 mins before 7 am alarm goes off to wake up hubby
  • Get up and make hubby breakfast and his morning coffee
  • Make sure hubby gets off to work on time
  • Watch an episode of The Real Housewives of New York while checking FB and Twitter
  • Attempt to write. Get about 4 sentences in and freeze and stare at the screen
  • Get up, shower, and get ready for the day
  • Go to leave the house to feed the horses, take care of Miss Cleo the Pemphigus queen, and go grocery shopping only to discover that you have left your entire purse with your keys in it in the husband’s car. Fuck
  • Call your mother to come chauffer you around. Argue with said mother about how her Toyota will not get “stuck in the mud” at your horse barn while going to feed the horses
  • Accompany mother to the grocery store for cheese. She did not buy “just cheese”
  • Be forced to look at yet again another piece of property your mom thought was “nice” even though you are already under contract with the Farm 🙂
  • Return home to clean the entire kitchen like a mad woman and wash nearly every dish in the house
  • Scrub the hardwoods and use a vinegar rinse to make them shine. Complain loudly when the cat leaves prints all over them 30 seconds later
  • Do 118 loads of laundry. Try to figure out why we own so many clothes but only 5 socks
  • Fold only 4 loads of those 118. Retire the rest to appropriate laundry baskets for a later date
  • Clean all the litter boxes. Then sweep the hardwoods you just mopped because you tracked dirty cat litter all over the house by accident because there was a hole in the garbage bag
  • Clean all of the countertops in the house. Consider hand scrubbing the garden tub. Rethink having a big tub in the new house. Change mind and watch more Housewives episodes
  • Make lunch
  • Clean up after lunch which means yet again wash dishes
  • Eat 30 gluten free animal crackers. Could have been 31. Who’s counting really?
  • Pour through the cabinets and the fridge and decide on something for dinner. Other than pasta. Which you had for lunch because 1) you are lazy and B) pasta is Life
  • Thumb through a few magazines to get ideas for the new house. Realize the house you are currently living in is crap. Get depressed and go back to cleaning
  • Text the husband
  • Answer a call from the realtor, followed up by 3 more hours of texting to clarify “annexation”
  • Welcome son home. Find out that he needs help with a project. That is due tomorrow. And he needs to go buy stuff to make. Crap
  • Have to wait until husband gets home with purse
  • Welcome husband home and yell at the dog for barking too much. Again
  • Gas up the husband’s car
  • Drive into Raleigh to give the cat meds that you missed this morning because again, you did not have a purse or car keys
  • Clean another litterbox and fold more laundry
  • Stop at Sheetz on the way home for a fountain Diet Mt Dew. Hell I earned it. I survived another hump day people
  • Feed the pets. Again
  • Begin making dinner while simultaneously check 15 emails from the realtor. Curse loudly when you realize a mistake on one of the documents that is the seller’s fault
  • Threaten to drink wine on a weeknight
  • Eat dinner with the family while sharing the dining room table with the teenager’s project
  • Clean the kitchen. Again
  • Help teenager with project. That he messed up. Twice
  • Interrupt Facetiming with his friends to pop your head into the screen and say “hi”
  • Appreciate when said friends say they wish you were their mom
  • Burn your fingers with hot glue while trying to fix blasted atom project
  • Help son make a large clock to wear around his neck during his presentation. Make a Flava Flav reference and endure strange look from teenager. Tells him to Google it for full effect
  • More damn laundry
  • Put away project supplies so that the cat won’t eat them
  • Grind coffee and clean Yeti coffee canister for husband’s coffee in the morning
  • Put clean dishes away. Wish you had a housemaid like those rich folks up North
  • Put pajamas on, wash face, take out contacts, adorn obnoxious fuzzy socks to keep feet warm
  • Fall into bed to finish this blog post for the day
  • Forget to take sinus meds. Go back into the kitchen to take them and realize that there are no cold bottled water. Restock the fridge
  • Finally done for the day. Listen to Beethoven while yet again trying to finish this damned post
  • Voila!

Hope you enjoyed this latest episode of “Living with Gigi”. Who knows….tomorrow I might do something super exciting, like yardwork!!!!

Sweet Dreams……..zzzzzzzzzzzGigi


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